The Courage in Life

A true story, which I gone through during an interview session (as an observer) this morning.

She is now about 21 years old, left school after Form 5. At this age, her mum still beats her. Sometimes kick her, slap her, even worst humiliate her with nasty words. I couldnt imagine how can an adult at this age still able to go through such experience yet wanted to stay with her mum, when all her brothers and sisters had ran away from home.

During the 1.5 hours of interview for her new promotion as Supervisor, I was surprised and very touched to hear some of her views and feelings. She is more matured compare to others at her age. Yet she is very positive, keep her smiling face throughout the interview sessions and we can feel her sincerity in speech.

1. What do you think if the company need you to work on restday or public holiday without paying you any additional allowances?
"I am willing to do it because I believe I can learn new things in the company"
2. But what if you realised later that you cannot learn anything new at all?
"Oh, by just communicating to the seniors, I had actually learn something new"
3. You are more people-oriented or results-oriented?
" I am more people-oriented"
4. Then how are you going to deliver the targets the company wants?
"When the people is well-managed, I believe the results will come".
5. What is your life principle that you like to share or promote to others?
"I don't mind to be at a disadvantage (吃亏), I always believe that no matter how others take advantage on me, I shall not take advantage on them. Sometimes my friends said that it is silly to be like that, yet I think it is all right"
6. When your subordinates did not perform the job well? How do you handle it?
"I must bear the responsibility as a leader. Then I will find out the root cause. I think there must be a reason if someone does not perform. So, I am willing to teach him/her and give her the right mindset"
7. Just now you mentioned about your mum, can you tell us how is your relationship with her now?
"Oh...now she treat me better, even though sometimes she still slaps me. I believe everything happen in my life there is a mission for me to fulfill. Even though my brothers and sisters had attempted to ask me to go with them, i decided to stay. My elder sister ran away at the age of 13. My brother left his cloths at home, only come back 3 hours a day and out again. If I leave this house as well, it wont look like a house anymore....."
8. One day when you are able to earn more and independent, then you can move out from the house!
"My mum is a traditional type of person, I must be considerate....perhaps she had gone through a rough time when she was young....I will still stay with her, hopefully one day I am able to influence her......"
9. What if she gets angry at you and beat you when you need to work longer hours, longer distance to new work place after your promotion?
"The most she will do is just slaps me, when she gets tired then she will stop...haha..I am ok with it..."

Before she leave the room, we realise she got scars on both of her arms, the effect of being canned at home. We also understand from her close friend that normally after work at 10pm, she still needs to clean up the house and wash the dishes and cloths. Sleep at midnight or 1-2am in the morning.

"We stay in a very small house. I sleep together with my mum and dad. One morning I overheard their conversation" "My dad told my mum "she is the only daughter left that is willing to stay with us, why still want to treat her this way........." Tears finally drop when she uttered this part of her sharing........

Well, the panel decided to promote her!

We Have It All

I got a chance to help out one of my friend on his struggles in relationships. My intention is to help him look into his "heart" and find his own solutions. I am not sure if the NLP methods I had learned is effective on him or not, however I convinced myself that I must do my best to make him cross over his obstacles in life and continue to move on....


There is a method used in NLP when someone lost direction in life, we keep asking them chunk-up questions so that finally they will gain self-realization. Finally, I made the summary based on what he had said for the past 1 hour into powerful self-affirmation statements which I suggest him to recite every morning. If the challenges is greater, then he should read it loudly and re-affirm strongly on himself. I would like to share with you the few last sentences that I wrote to him, which he gained back his confident and love in relationship.


"........I am sure I will get the love I want, I will live a life full of love, all the love I need, with the love I appreciate, the love I give and take, and ALL THIS LOVE IS WITH ME, I HAVE IT ALL!"



You can use your current personal mission statement, then add-in the sentences above if you likes it!

Some thoughts to Share

I need to plan my time effectively for the coming months as I just took up another 2 key projects on training and consultation. Well, now my new hobby is "making money", interesting enough? haha.... And when you are so passionate about your work, there comes the money. So you know why I seldom write in my blog lately huh! lols.

After getting few reminders, the last one is Sam, so I decided to write something here to give you some tips!

One of my student gave me a set of questionnaires to answer and I want to share with you some of them here. (somehow I modified certain questions to make it easier for you to understand).

Q1: In leadership, do you tend to be more people-oriented or results- oriented?

It is important to have a balance between this two. I would say that most of the time I used "situational leadership". I will tend to be more results-oriented when the person already had good attitude but lack of method and achievements. So I will tend to stretch him a little bit more, let say 10-15% of his ability to see how far he can go. Sometimes I will tend to be more people-oriented when he can produce results but his personal values, attitude or personality is not in line with the organization. Thus, 121 coaching and advice to him is necessary to make him aware of his behavior.

Q2: Which communication style and channel you prefer to use when communicate with your subordinates?

I like to communicate with my subordinates using democratic style, whereby they are encouraged to provide own ideas and solutions, I will provide coaching and guidance. I believe the saying that "dealing with people, slow is fast and fast is slow". Some leader want fast results and push very hard for it. He might achieve short-term results, however in the long run sometimes these organizations lost more. Open communication is good as long as their argument is right. My mentor reminded me that he only accept the highest level of authority, that is "Mr Logic". So, I always accept new ideas openly.

Face to face communication is the best method among all other methods. Nowadays many people tends to use sms, email, messenger to convey their decisions which sometimes causes communication breakdown. In an organization, if permits, face to face communication is the best way to resolve problems. Email, sms or other form of messenges I would consider it as follow-ups activities.

Q3: What are the skills lacking among fresh graduates nowadays?

I believe they are lacking of good "survival" skills at the actual work place due to our education system is too exam-oriented. They tends to be more focus on academic results rather than involving themselves in social actitivies (universities clubs, sports and activities) which will enriched their self-confidence, enhance their interpersonal skills, build their leadership skills and so forth. They might be good at memorising the facts but do not understand how actually it operates in the actual work life situation. Next, i see many of my students do not have their personal goals (be it short term or long term). Understanding own weaknesses and strengths is important for them to know how to perform and act at the workplace with a clear directions, unfortunately many doesnt actually know what they want in their future careers. Of course, there are some that want to take charge of their life in university by exploring ways to improve oneself. And I know that with such experience, they are more confident entering the workplace.

I welcome your feedback as long as you are "Mr Logic"

A "tough" leader @ work

I see many managers / leaders handled their staff with their own 101 ways. However sometimes they will start to question themselves if the method they used is the right one. For me, one of the “must read” book when you faced dilemma being a leader, is to refer to my favourite book called “The One Minute Manager” by Dr Blanchard and Spencer Johnson. Below is an interesting story from the book that makes me realised that as a leader, we must first master the method of “dush” before knowing the “sayang” to our subordinates.

Once upon a time, an emperor appointed a second in command. He called this prime minister in and, in effect, said to him, "Why don’t we divide up the tasks?" Why don’t you do all the punishing and I’ll do all the rewarding?" The prime minister said "Fine. I’ll do all the punishing and you do all the rewarding.” This emperor soon noticed that whenever he asked someone to do something, they might do it or they might not do it.
However, when the prime minister spoke, people moved. So the emperor called the prime minister back in and said, "Why don’t we divide the tasks again? You have been doing all the punishing here for quite a while. Now let me do the punishing and you do the rewarding." So the prime minister and the emperor switched roles again.

Within a month the prime minister became the emperor. Why? What happen?

The emperor had been a nice person, rewarding and being kind to everyone at first; then he started to punish people. People said, "What’s wrong with that old codger?" and they threw him out on his ear. When they came to look for a replacement, they said, "You know who’s really starting to come around now—the prime minister!". So, they put him right into office.

Start reading! And enjoy the journey to be One Minute Manager.

Celebrate your wins!

WOW~ Yesterday was my company (People Reengineering Consultancy) 1st year anniversary. Time flies! I only realise it this morning after my prayers. So I took some time to reflect on the progress I had made for the past 1 year. Hm.....still on the right track! :) In fact I know that many organization is now busy with the half yearly performance appraisal review too! Have you gone through your appraisal with your superior? Share with me if you want my advice. lols

This morning I log into facebook and saw my cousin ask this question "Why we need to celebrate our wins?" I shared "In life, we have ups and down. Very often, we tends to think about the "misfortune" (past bad experience/incidents) we had in life. Thus, celebrating our wins can anchor the good feelings in us and creating self-confidence and momentum to move on....". I always count my blessings despite all the challenges that I had to go through since childhood. Sometimes I even tell my friends that I am very happy now (我觉得自己很幸福) because along the way, I realised letting go the attachment of negative emotions make you feel lighter.

And most importantly I alway celebrate my success, be it SMALL, MEDIUM or BIG success. Treat myself a good sushi meal, entertain myself with an inspiring movie, go for a short holiday, or (save money) free myself one day doing what I like at home......as a mean of reward to myself. So nice isnt? Every part of it make you a better person, every part of it make your life more fulfilling! So, start celebrate your wins!

The meaning of "L.O.V.E"

Yesterday ended my 2 days seminar in Port Dickson. The participants were fantastic. I am inpired by their enthusiasm and passion for life. Most of them are in their 20s, no doubt they have "unlimited energy" to go through all the challenges in the program. Yet what really makes me happy is they really put their "heart" in learning. You can feel the joy in them and it infects you too!

Sharing on the part of "L.O.V.E" is the most touching session. I saw one youtube elaborating LOVE as below:

L - Listen emphatically to others. Listen what is inside their heart.

O - Obligate to what others had sacrificed for you - our family members, friends, colleagues etc.

V - Value the differences in age, gender, race and their model of the world

E - Excuse others for their mistakes and encourage them to do better.

Some of us give our love to our family members and the people we know. Some even willing to give to those that they dont know (doing charity services, helping the disables etc). Unconditional love spread throughout the world and touches every single life! How big is your love?

The "Zen & Zest" of Life

Last 2 days we have Greeea..aat time together in Kundasang, Ranau, Sabah. We went to a resort called Zen Garden. Beautiful place. I love conducting training here because of the fresh air and cool weather. It makes me feel so near to the nature and it connects to my inner world. I can see Mount Kinabalu clearly when the sky is bright. It looks so great! It is a wonderful world, isn't it?
You guys/gals enjoy so much playing together, laughing together, crying together, teasing together and having personal breakthrough together this 2 days. I think the program matches with the concept of "Zen" (in buddhism) meaning "living in the present moment, the NOW!"

I see some of you really "transform" and willing to take charge of your life, decided to create new chapter in life that is near to your heart. I can see your energy level is higher compare to the first day you walk into the training hall. Some of you really surprises me with your enthusiasm and changes after the training. I want to salute to you because you are making your life a better one now!

I feel very touch during certain activities because some of you have the courage to stand out to share your feelings and let is just flow out naturally. I can see the happy tears filling your eyes when you talk. Actually it gives me greater strengths and confident reassuring myself that what I am doing for my life is right and meaningful. I want to add value to your life.

Doing what you love doing is a blessing! Even though I spend very little hours sleeping for the past few nights preparing for the program, I did not feel tired. In contrary, I felt so energized by the wonderful team spirit, I feel so empowered and self-fulling. I think this is called the "Zest" of life! Are you doing what you passionate about NOW???!!! If yes, let's strive on!